Raising Little Ones: Four Book Reviews

The fireworks lit up the night sky just hours after they placed my first born daughter on my chest. It was Canada Day, but to me, the fireworks were all for her, my little princess. All I could think of to say was “I love you, I love you, I love you…” over and over as I held her close, my body worn from labor and deliriously in love with this beautiful child God had given us. The very first book my husband read to our daughter happened to be Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers. I was asleep while he read Tolkien’s brooding classic in the wee hours of the morning. I probably would have chosen something a little lighter such as Beatrix Potter, but he went straight for the literary genius himself. Our daughter was finally in our arms.

As a new mom, I was unaware of the thousands of books written about parenting. Which ones were good and which ones were bad? Which ones were trending in churches and which ones were from our parents’ generation, still sitting on their shelves in their libraries at home. And if I turned out okay, maybe I should read those books that my parents read!

To be honest, I wanted to be in the know for all the latest how-to parenting answers. But I just couldn’t keep up. There were constantly new books on the market. I felt that I was missing out on the latest method of how to say “no” to your child when they are taking a toy away from their friend. I hadn’t realized there were two new approaches I hadn’t heard of! I got insecure and wondered if my methods were outdated. I modeled my mothering after my own mother, whom I believe did a faithful job of raising her children. My mother has been my living book on topics of homemaking, raising girls, hospitality, decorating, and creating a Christ-centered home. She has been my living example.

Of the books that I have read on parenting little ones, there are four that stand out:

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp
Craig and I were introduced to this book by some friends. We even got to go to the Shepherding a Child’s Heart parenting conference. This book was a great introduction into the world of gospel parenting. Of course you cannot reduce parenting to a textbook but it holds much practical and helpful advice which we needed as we were starting out on this journey.

The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer
I heard about this book from my pastor’s wife in Washington. Edith Schaeffer is an author that I am slowly getting to know. There is a Schaeffer theme that has been weaving its way through our lives in the past 10 years. It started when we went to L’Abri in Switzerland and spent 6 weeks at this Christian community. I made lentil lasagna in her kitchen with other students and remember chopping vegetables and having many conversations with staff and students in their home. Mrs Schaeffer was still living nearby but access to her was very limited in her elderly age, so I was unable to meet with her. But I would have loved to. She wrote this book, mostly about creating a home environment, yet parenting, art and creativity are so naturally woven into everything about her homemaking that it is one of my favorite parenting books! From spending time in her home, I can imagine what it would have been like for her while writing these books and raising her children in the chalet at Huemoz. And it makes me want to go back there right now!

The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
Sally Clarkson has been ministering to moms for decades and yet I only discovered her writing after our third child was born. Another book offering from my pastor’s wife at our baby shower, it was one that I was eagerly anticipating to read. Sally speaks from years of experience as a mother discipling her children. As mothers, our first and primary ministry is to our husbands and to our children, discipling, training, and mentoring. We have the opportunity to invest our lives into these few children who daily see our struggles, our failures, and the glory of Christ bestowing His grace again and again in our own hearts. This is ministry. This is true discipleship. And it happens right in the sanctuary of our own homes. How much more important it is then to build our homes into Christ honoring ministry centers. This book is about offering Jesus to our children.

Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson
This is the most recent book on parenting that I have read. Elyse Fitzpatrick and her daughter, Jessica Thompson, have written this beautiful volume, incorporating both experience from Elyse as a grandmother looking back and her daughter reflecting on parenting in the midst of it. Last Fall, we were in transition. I was utterly burnt out and seeking the Lord for guidance in our home management. He is such a gentle shepherd. (Even writing that makes me smile). Our God is great! He lovingly led my husband and I in the direction He was leading us. One night in desperation, I looked up Christian parenting books online and when I saw this title, it was like God was speaking directly to me. It was a refreshing reminder of Biblical parenting and gave very practical and helpful suggestions for specific things to say and questions to ask when correcting behavior or dealing with deeper heart issues.

It seems that with every new baby, I had a desire to read another parenting book, focus in on my mission as a mother, and to find insight and wisdom to carry out this huge task of motherhood. There are many wonderful things to learn from parenting books. Its definitely helpful. But don’t neglect reading God’s Word.

We’re often wanting to read the latest thing that our favorite author or ministry leader has said, without devoting time to the study of Scripture where all our parenting should flow out of. This is the true source of wisdom, comfort, rest, hope, peace, and strength in the beautiful and challenging days of motherhood. There are many different parenting styles and everyone has their opinion. Even in all these books, there might be one or two certain opinions that I don’t necessarily agree with. Keeping opinions vs. biblical truth straight is a practice in discernment. Keeping the Word of God central in your parenting will help to hone in on what is truly Biblical and what is just someone’s opinion. It will nourish and feed our souls like no other book can do, and will draw us closer to the Greatest Parent of all.

Other resources that have encouraged me in the beautiful calling of motherhood:
Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic
Passionate Homemaking by Lindsay Edmonds
Mom Enough: The Fearless Mother’s Heart & Hope by Various Authors

These two books contain chapters on motherhood within the larger framework of the book and have been a great encouragement to me as well:
Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney
Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski

My First Valentine & A Recipe

I was 29 years old when I celebrated February 14th with my very first Valentine. It was spent with my husband in the Swiss Alps about a month and a half after we got married. We were on a three month semester abroad trip for his Bachelor of Arts degree in Worship Arts, traveling Europe, visiting several Christian communities and churches as well as a 6 week stay at L’Abri! I had waited my entire life for my future husband, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and God blessed me with the sweetest Valentine’s Day. It was worth the wait.

I would be lying though if I painted this beautiful portrait without also sharing the struggles. We had our fair share of mishaps that week as we tried to figure out how we wanted this day to look for us. Oh, newlyweds! I was afraid that my first Valentine’s Day wouldn’t be all that I had thought it should be. It was an inward battle of fighting the culture’s ideals or big business companies’ ideas of what Valentine’s Day should be. I was fighting the temptation to make an idol out of this romantic holiday. But God’s grace met us where we were at. After all these inner struggles were finally resolved, our day ended up being quite a celebration!

We were staying at L’Abri where all our meals were provided with our stay, however, we rarely had real orange juice and Craig knew that was my favorite. We were poor and we couldn’t afford much, but we could afford real orange juice! That morning, I awoke to a half gallon of it sitting on my desk which was like gold! A bouquet of white winter tulips as on our wedding day, and a hand written love note with personal artwork, one of Craig’s romantic trademarks in our relationship,  I was delighted.

He took me to the ski village of Villars just up the hill from L’Abri. We walked along winding roads and forest trails. We talked about our dreams, our future. He took me to a chocolatier and we had the most delicious hot chocolate in the world. Melted chocolate in a small pot poured into steamed milk, overlooking the towering Alps that surrounded us. We had dinner at an unassuming Thai restaurant, a small, empty hole in the wall type of place, but the food was delicious as it usually is in those hole in the wall type places!

Its fun to remember these special moments and see how far we’ve come through the past nine years of marriage! Grace upon waves of grace. Years of making heart cookies with icing, making paper cards with the kids, little hands cutting out paper hearts, and icing covering chubby cheeks, remembering the real reason for this holiday which is the story of St Valentine, a man who lived his life for Jesus.

A few years ago, I found a recipe on Sally Clarkson’s blog for Valentine Shortbread Cookies. I love it because it doesn’t have that much sugar and its fast and easy to make. Besides cookie recipes, she has so much wisdom and good mommy food for the soul.

Celebrate your loved ones, read about St Valentine, and take pictures of all the messes made! For some good children’s book ideas to learn about St Valentine, hop on over to my friend, Thea’s, children’s book blog! There are treasures there!

Happy St Valentine’s Day!

Psalms

As a child, I had a Children’s Bible for the longest time. It was so well loved that the pages were falling out, one by one. Whole sections were breaking off and even the spine was detaching from the rest of the book. I had to fix it with a hot glue gun, several times over. Eventually, I got a brown leather Bible case for it which held in its pockets all my notes and lists I made during the sermon. I often sat near my best friends and we always passed notes during the service. And when I wasn’t writing notes during the service, I was exploring the hymn book from front to back, including all those little categories that organize the hymns so well. I was amazed that some of the hymns were 400 years old and there were hymns for every occasion!

I also remember the days in public school when the Gideons would come to the school and hand out free, little red Gideon Bibles. I don’t think they do this anymore in Canada, but it was during the 1980’s and I was so excited to get my Gideon Bible. I cherished it and it fit nicely into my denim purse!

I kept this Bible in the top drawer of my night table in my bedroom. I am not sure exactly why or how this all came about, but at some point, I started a habit of reading Psalm 48:1-2:

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,
In the city of our God, His holy mountain.
Beautiful in elevation, the joy of the whole earth,
Is Mount Zion in the far north,
The city of the great King.
Psalm 48:1-2 NASB

Every morning when I woke up, I took my Bible out of the drawer and opened it to this verse, read it and then got ready for school. It was habit. And soon it was memorized. This was the way God prepared me for each day. I needed His Word in my heart. It was a big thing to go out into the world of school and stand firm in my faith as a young Christian. I realize now that it was Him drawing me to His Word, preparing me to live for Him in the hallways of my school. He is the one who drove me to those verses day after day, to start my days with praise.

This was one of my first introductions to the Psalms. Another was from a song my sisters and I learned to play on the piano called, As The Deer, based on Psalm 42:1. Each of us had our own version of how we played the song. Whenever a piano was nearby, I would sit down and play this song over and over. God was teaching me to worship Him.

Eventually I began to put my own music to several Psalms and listened to other artists’ versions of Psalms. It grew in me a passion for worshiping God through His own Word! All these years later, one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Sandra McCracken, has written and recorded her own album of Psalms and it is simply one of the best. It was our theme music of Summer 2015 and so many memories are now attached to those songs as we played her music non-stop, and quite loudly, for the first few months after moving to the mid-west.

These songs, based on the Psalms, evoke a variety of emotion, deep heart cries to God, words of comfort and rejoicing in praise. My favorite song, We Will Feast in the House of Zion, is a song of triumph and hope, a banner of victory and faith that I needed last summer, as we made such a huge move across the country. Along with these songs, I wept and rejoiced in worship to God, our Good Shepherd, as He so lovingly reminded us over and over of His faithfulness, His presence in our lives, and His trustworthiness.

We will feast in the House of Zion
We will sing with our hearts restored
-Sandra McCracken

Adorned ~ The Beauty of the Daughters of God

As a young girl, my sisters and I loved to play dress-up. We had a wooden trunk filled to overflowing with dresses, outfits, hats, high-heeled shoes and knee-high boots from our mother’s wardrobe in the sixties and seventies. We put on necklaces and wore large purses to create stories in our make-believe world. Sometimes we even put on make-up and teased up our hair, cementing it in place with bottles of hairspray as we played “Hair Salon”. Our mother and father were always surprisingly astonished when we presented ourselves all dolled up, “Ta-da!” We were quite the site! With bows and barrettes, toy jewelry, and shiny bracelets, we were adorned!

The Bible teaches women to adorn themselves with good deeds, empowered by His Spirit, doing our Kingdom work as His daughters.

likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.
-1 Timothy 2:9-10 ESV

Sometimes I think about the Christian women I know, and I sit back amazed at the ministries God has given each one. The gifts, talents, and passion for their different callings. They are adorned with good deeds. The following is a short list of a few daughters of God whom I know and the good deeds that adorn them. Aren’t they beautiful?

Daughter #1
She is now in the winter of her life, a seasoned veteran in the life of a pastor’s wife. She has visited the sick in hospitals, anointed their feet much like Mary anointed Jesus’ feet with her perfume and tears. She has comforted the young widow in the sudden death of her young husband. She has walked the laborsome path of befriending the difficult person and showing her that she is worthy of being loved and befriended. She has made meals for hundreds of families, worked inside and outside the home to help provide for her family and support her husband’s ministry. She has counseled her own children and pointed them to Christ as she purposefully discipled them. She has led Sunday school classes for young girls, comforted those who have been bullied, showing them the better path. She has accepted the trials God has given her to carry and continues to lean in complete dependence on her Savior as she reaches out to those who do not yet know Jesus. She tells strangers the gospel in pharmacy line-ups. She ministers to those around her and prays for them. Day and night, she prays for them.

Daughter #2
She is a wife and mother of little ones. She comes from a small, unassuming town in the desert. She is a midwife and skilled in her knowledge of assisting women in birth. She is learning a new language and preparing to move with her family to a remote location overseas to tell unreached people groups about Jesus and the gospel. How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news. She will be living a life of great sacrifice so that others can know the Great Sacrifice that was given for them.

Daughter #3
She has studied the Bible for years and now is attending seminary in Canada. She is single and waiting for the husband that God is preparing for her. She has worked with teenagers for over a decade, teaching them God’s Word, mentoring and discipling them, giving her waking hours to invest in the next generation as a teacher, counselor, and friend.

Daughter #4
She is a homemaker, a birthday planner, a cook, a counselor, an advocate, a wife, a mother, a pastor’s wife, and the one who has researched for years to find the right diagnosis for her son’s unique challenges. She has had victory this past year in finally finding the reason for these challenges and is on a path of continued victory for discovering for him the resources he needs. She is a marathon runner and an example to me of endurance. She will run the race marked out for her and complete that race.

Daughter #5
She is a woman who puts her hand to the plow in whatever she does. She has served in various churches in children’s ministry, helping to develop the ministry, curriculum, Sunday school rooms, etc. She has hosted Bible study groups, foster care workers and friends. As well as being a wife and mother, she is now a foster mom and welcomes orphans into her home to care for them in transition. She welcomes the stranger and provides for the sick and homeless. She reaches out to the single mom and puts on a baby shower for her new little one.

Daughter #6
She lives in the ghetto of a desert city. She lives in the “hole” as they call it, the most destitute place in the city where the gangs literally shoot at each other as they pass by. She serves the little ones, the next generation. Her family lives in the midst of this needy community to shine brightly the love and freedom found in Christ. She holds a Bible study for the young, teenage girls, to disciple them and show them that there is a Father who loves them, will provide for them, and will heal their hearts. Christ will return to make all things new and with the presence of their family in that community, Christ is making things new in that community and the seeds of the gospel are being planted there.

Daughter #7
She is a wife, mother, grandmother. She taught Kindergarten for 30 years. She loves children and books and finding resources to teach the truths of God to the next generation. She makes quilts for homeless women, prepares meals for others, is continually applying herself to the study of Scripture. Whenever I am in her kitchen, she has new thank you notes sitting on her window sill. Thank you notes come in the mail weekly. She quietly goes about her work the Lord has given her to do and she ministers the love of Christ to others. She is a faithful woman in the household of God.

Daughter #8
She creates music and knits. She uses her gifts and talents in art and drawing, words and writing to teach her children and the younger generation. She writes book reviews on a delightful blog to share with other women resources for training and nurturing children. She practices hospitality and creates delicious meals to share with others. Her walls are filled with pictures and verses, maps and exclamatory praises to God! She reads and reads and reads. Then she passes on her knowledge to bless others and inspire others to dive into living stories that reveal the one Great Story!

Daughter #9
She is a wife and mother to girls. She works part-time while they’re at school. She is a photographer and editor. She captures beautiful images, stunning pictures of real life moments. She’s been a world traveler to Japan and Madagascar, France, England, and accidentally, Austria (wrong plane). She hosts families for dinner at their home and mentors her daughters. She is also a Defender of the young and gently teaches others the art of kindness. She is strong and noble.

Daughter #10
She is seven years old and already an adventure seeker, traveler, artist, friend, musician, and story-teller. She is beautiful, kind, and sweet. She is learning and growing as are all of us daughters of God. She spends her free time drawing, exploring outside, playing with her younger brothers and her friends. She is a nurturer and loves to take care of babies and toddlers, to prepare the cups and saucers for tea time, and to prepare gifts for others. She is my daughter.

There are so many other women I could write about here! All amazing, set apart women! Women who love to decorate and women who do not. Women who are older and women who are younger.  Women who like to garden, and women who just need to rest and teach others to rest. Women of all life stages and seasons, living out their days in worship to God. I will mention one more…

Daughter #11
This is you, dear daughter, beloved of God. You have gifts and talents, a personality uniquely designed by God. God has given you a unique family, a unique health or financial situation, and a unique set of neighbors. We are God’s workmanship. He is the one working through us and empowering us. If God is the one who has prepared these works, then there is no need for comparison with other women. We can joyfully and with gratitude go out into the world, doing the work that God has prepared for each of us to do, bringing glory to our Father.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. -Ephesians 2:10 ESV

Little Miss E and the Purple Glitter

I opened the patio door and let the cold, harsh winter air in just for a moment. I was cleaning up the back patio stairs, and noticed purple glitter all over our steps trailing down along the cement toward the garden. “Do you guys know who dumped purple glitter outside?” I asked the kids, quite perplexed.

“That was Little Miss E,” they said (a cute name I made up just for this post for anonymity). I looked around, amazed, thinking, “Its everywhere!” Throughout the day and into the next, I continued to bring  items outside for recycling and my eyes were drawn to the purple glitter, dazzlingly spilled all over our steps. It started to grow on me. It started to become endearing. I smiled with amusement each time I opened the door.

Little Miss E is our sweet, dear 5 year old friend who comes to visit us often. Dressed in a princess dress, carrying a purse, or wearing strands of little girl necklaces, she plays in the communal backyard, and knocks on our door for our kids to come outside and play. This is one of the things I love the most about our community where we live. Children are always coming by to say hello, to play, and to just chat. And we chat with them. We listen to their thoughts, we ask them questions. I want our home to always be welcoming to little ones, that they may sense the love of Jesus here, that Jesus welcomes them, and that we are always willing to talk.

Working this morning at the campus childcare center, we had taken the kids to the playground to play. I was pulling the little red wagon with two children sitting snuggly inside. As I circled the playground on the asphalt path, I looked down and there it was, more purple glitter! I saw more later on along the sidewalk to our building, and more at the picnic area, and still more sprinkled all over crisp, dry fallen leaves.  I smiled. Little Miss E. She’s been here too! Like little whisps of fairy dust sprinkled around campus, she was leaving her mark of purple glitter wherever she went, coloring the bleak winter with purple hues that shimmer and shine in the sunlight, making our community sparkle with her laughter and smiles, and her sweet friendship.

And the Lord their God will save them in that day
As the flock of His people;
For they are as the stones of a crown,
Sparkling in His land.
Zechariah 9:16

Listening Well

We have been living at seminary now for over 7 months. When we arrived, we found ourselves often involved in and listening to conversations that centered around four letters. Are you an I or an E? Are you an F or a J? At first I was confused, as my brain sorted through the possibilities of what these letters could mean. Staring blankly, with baby in one arm, not sure what to say, and without any clue as to what they were talking about, I would answer honestly, “I actually don’t know what F and J mean.” We found these four letter combinations to be everywhere around campus and in class. After realizing this was a Meyers-Briggs personality tool and remembering that I had taken this test almost 20 years ago in college, we learned to appreciate these letters, because these letters actually had meaning and we would learn to appreciate even what these letters meant for us personally.

While living here in community, and from auditing one class (of which I only attended about half of the classes because our life was so busy last semester), and from learning through osmosis from what my husband is learning in his Mdiv classes, the Lord has been teaching me to listen well.

I always thought I was a good listener. When I am meeting with a friend, I put my cell phone away or on silent. If I’m talking with someone and my phone rings, I don’t answer it, but return the call when I have a moment. If I’m at church talking to someone and someone else taps my shoulder to say hi, I say a quick hello in a whisper, give a smile and a wave and then return to the person I was listening to. I want to give full attention.

I’ve realized, though, that there is so much more involved in listening well.

Listening doesn’t just involve eye contact and letting people finish their sentences. Listening isn’t just about hearing another’s words. If you want to listen well, it can take quite a lot of energy, which can be difficult for a generally introverted personality like mine.

As a Christian, it is important to listen well because we are ambassadors of Christ and we want to represent Him well to each other and to the world for the sake of His  Kingdom and for the sake of His redeeming work in our lives and relationships.

It is an honor to listen to someone’s story. Your neighbor, your relative, your spouse is made in the image of God. They have a story, a long and complicated, intricate story that began before they were even born. It is a privilege to be given the honor of hearing and engaging in one’s story.

Sometimes we need to just listen… physically hearing and internalizing what someone is saying, evaluating and analyzing, considering the vast array of possibilities and interpretations that could be present. It involves waiting patiently for wisdom and speaking timely words in response.

I like the NIV version of Ephesians 4:29 that says,

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
(Ephesians 4:29 NIV)

We want to build others up in the Truth, in Christ, according to their needs. The most important of those needs is having the Gospel impact their lives.

According to Carl Jung and Isabel Briggs Myers’, there are 16 different personality types. Already, we have a lot to wade through in learning to listen to someone! A free personality test here was one of the many tools used in our Spiritual and Ministry Formation Class. I didn’t realize back then how useful this would be in understanding myself better and understanding how I interact with others. Ultimately, this would aid in how well I am able to listen to others and interact with more wisdom and knowledge, simply because I would now be listening to them with skill.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger (James 1:19 ESV)

One of the main culprits for causing disunity and disgruntled relationships is due to the inability to recognize the inner workings of the vast array of different personalities. Each person may see an event or an opinion in a different light due to the way they interpret a situation, what worldview or culture they are coming from, whether they are an introvert or extrovert, what they value, and how they have learned to manage their emotions, responses, and ways of interacting with others.

It takes a lot of effort and grace to listen well to another. But learning this lifelong skill will help diffuse many a needless conflict, bring restoration to relationships and most importantly, open doors for the gospel to be shared, received and savored.

Listen, and listen well.

The Close of the Day

It all happened quite circumstantially. Our almost-2 year old started crawling out of his bed at night and with delirious laughter decided this was the way he wanted to spend all of his evenings… getting Mommy and Daddy to put him back into his bed 20-30 times a night! Finally, one of the exhausted pair had a brilliant idea. It was time to stand guard.

So the evening routine would begin. Tuck all of the children into bed, pull up a chair in front of their rooms, and keep watch lest the littlest one should sneak out unawares. After many nights of listening to music while he fell asleep, folding laundry, or working on my computer at my post, I realized that I could accomplish much in this span of 20 minutes while he fell asleep.

A new year dawned, and I began reading to my children another book in C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia series, Prince Caspian. I am currently reading three novels to my children and have another four that just arrived in the mail this past week. I never have quite enough time to get in all the reading I would love to do each day. Solution: the books need to take turns. It was during this new years week and during the transition of a new school schedule that I began a new tradition… reading them to sleep.

I am amazed at how many chapters we can breeze through in that small amount of time. The house is quiet, I have their attention. Every so often, I stop to see if they have fallen asleep and usually I hear, “Read more!” Occasionally, I do not get a response. And that’s when I know that all have peacefully drifted off into dreamland, hopefully with kings and queens, fauns, centaurs, brave little mice, and definitely a lion named Aslan. And if none of these creatures fill their dreams, then at least they have all happily gone to sleep with a story in their hearts, at a reasonable hour and I have fulfilled another shift of standing guard against the wiles of a deliriously exhausted 2 year old, whom I love with all my heart!