Anna's Adoration

The temperature gauge on our truck shines the word ICE with a bold blue digital glow as I climb in from the cold and put on my seatbelt. Another week’s worth of food loaded into our suburban carriage with heated seats and a broken driver’s side window. God has provided once again. We are well fed and provided for in this season at seminary. My heart is content as we live with less, much less than we ever have before as a family. It is a lean Christmas but I’m thankful for that. Our hearts and minds are put in full dependence on God as we wait, as we work, as we study and prepare for the next season of ministry.

We are in a season of awaiting “further instructions,” if you will. Waiting, anticipating, and living in expectancy of what may soon be. We love maps and have them all over our home including a shower curtain in the kids’ bathroom. I often look at those maps and pause as I walk by. I take a moment to pray, “Lord, where will You send us next?” We wait. And just like how God knew we would one day arrive at this space and time, He also knows where He will guide us next. I wait with a quiet contentment, seeking to enjoy all that God has for us here in these three precious years that are so full and rich with learning, knowledge, friendship, and being poured into, so that we will be ready to be sent out again at the proper time and ready to pour back out. As one pastor’s wife told me, it is a season of being broken down, and being built back up.

In this season of Advent, the four Sundays before Christmas, Christians take time to reflect on the arrival of the long-awaited Redeemer. As Christians on this side of history, we live in an attitude of hope and expectation for our King Jesus, the Son of God, to return and make all things new, to rule and reign in glory and with peace and justice. The Good Shepherd who came two thousand years ago, will return to His flock with comfort and joy.

There are many themes to think on during this time of Advent from the Old Testament prophecies to the birth place of the baby King, to the emotions that his mother Mary must have been feeling and the messages from angels. Oftentimes, I’ve been drawn to those few mysterious verses in the book of Luke that talk about a woman named Anna, who waited with what I assume, was a quiet, faithful contentment.

And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years, having lived with her husband seven years from when she was a virgin, and then as a widow until she was eighty-four. She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day. And coming up at that very hour she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem.

Luke 2:36-38

The Gospel of Luke provides us with a glimpse into this one woman’s life, a small vignette of adoration. Besides what we know of her age at this time, her father’s name, her tribe of origin, how long she was married and widowed, and her role as a prophetess, we know that she was dedicated to a life of worship and prayer. Early on in my life, when I first read these verses, I was struck with a sense of mystery and awe. There was something about Anna that drew me in, something about this lifestyle of worship that I so longed to be a part of.

Anna was waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem. She was praying and waiting for the chosen Child to be born. In her waiting, she worshiped. It was not a passive waiting but a time of preparation. She waited with hope and anticipation, preparing her heart and trusting in the faithfulness of God to fulfill His promises, all the while continuing in the daily practice of worship, year after year, in expectancy of her Savior. I suspect it was quite the glorious commotion when the Child Jesus was brought in to the temple to be presented to the Lord with a sacrifice, and Simeon announced with great joy,

“Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed.” Luke 2:34-35

Positioned in this time of history, we look back at the Incarnation, Immanuel, God with us. We also, with joy, await the Savior’s second coming. We wait with longing hearts to look upon our King as He comes in glory to make all things new. Will He return in our lifetime? Will we be found, like Anna, faithfully living our days in service and worship to Him? Will Christ be the central focus of our lives? While we await the return of our King, let us remain steadfast in worship and prayer, giving thanks to God for His indescribable gift, and speaking of him to the world.

O source of all good,
What shall I render to you for the gift of gifts,
your own dear Son?

Herein is wonder of wonders:
he came below to raise me above,
was born like me that I might become like him.

Herein is love;
when I cannot rise to him he draws near on wings of grace,
to raise me to himself.

Herein is power;
when Deity and humanity were infinitely apart,
he united them in indissoluble unity,
the uncreate and the created.

Herein is wisdom;
when I was undone, with no will to return to him,
and no intellect to devise recovery,
he came, God-incarnate, to save me to the uttermost,
as man to die my death,
to shed satisfying blood on my behalf,
to work out a perfect righteousness for me!

O God, take me in spirit to the watchful shepherds,
and enlarge my mind!

Let me hear good tidings of great joy,
and hearing, believe, rejoice, praise, adore,
my conscience bathed in an ocean of repose,
my eyes uplifted to a reconciled Father!

Place me with ox, donkey, camel, goat,
to look with them upon my Redeemer’s face,
and in him account myself delivered from sin!

Let me with Simeon clasp the newborn child to my heart,
embrace him with undying faith,
exulting that he is mine and I am his!

In him you have given me so much that heaven can give no more.

~A Puritan Christmas Prayer

Be Thou My Vision ~ Wait For You {Part 3}

This is part 3 in a series titled, Wait For You, based off of my album of the same name released in 2005. This collection of original songs was written over a period of 10 years and were glimpses of my story up until that time. To read Part 1, click here. To read Part 2, click here. 

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6

I sat in my cabin with journal and pen in hand. It was my free time and my cabin of girls were all out enjoying the various activities on their schedule. I was eager to spend time alone with God, to pour out my prayers to Him in my journal and really seek Him intentionally. I desired to spend that time alone with Jesus, in His Word and to pour out my life for Him. I was 16 years old and had one more year of high school left before I embarked on the next phase of life… adulthood! All I wanted was to live my life entirely for Jesus, serving Him in His church, His people, sharing the gospel, going wherever He would lead me and serving in whatever capacity He had for me. As I wrote in my journal, I prayed very specifically three key words that changed my life in very difficult and wonderful ways. I wrote and prayed the words, “Lord, break me.”

My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace;
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God
~Frederick Brook

Anyone who knows the Lord Jesus knows that He is a loving and gentle Good Shepherd. Those who truly know Him, also know that He will work all things together for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28). This is not some trite pat answer to suffering, but the very Word of God, given to us, in love, from the Creator and Sustainer of the entire universe. Its not meant to be a bandage for the wounded soul, but to actually bring healing and life and get to the heart of how we think and how we live. God’s Word is living and active. It is the healing Word.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

That summer, I worked at camp for almost six weeks with one week break. I was utterly exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually. We had prayed for campers, led activities, Bible studies, prayer times and had so much fun! But it was time for a break. In my sheer exhaustion, my moderate struggle with anxiety became overwhelming and I spiraled into a dark depression, even to the point that I thought God had left me.

I finished off the week and made it through only by God’s grace. I came home depleted and burned out. My parents wondered what had happened to their happy girl. It was hard to continue on week after week as well-meaning people sought to offer help, counseling, and encouragement. But I wasn’t getting better. This was heart-wrenching for my parents and they became my health advocates and pursued Christian counseling for me. I tried to make it through my final year of high school. It was the Lord who walked those school halls with me, as I continued to share my faith in and out of the classroom. I was determined that the enemy of my soul would not win this battle, but that all glory would be given to my Redeemer.

During that year, I experienced the darkness of depression, the dark night of my soul. Spiritually, I felt like I was living in a cloud. But there was a small glimmer of hope that I held onto. I hung on to my belief, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God exists and that He loves me. I knew that somehow He would help me overcome this depression. So I became a warrior of faith in my heart. I may have been quiet on the outside, but my faith was unshakeable. I felt a strong passion to debate atheistic teachers in my high school who expected the students not to challenge their world views. So I stood firm and unashamedly stood up and spoke truth into a spiritually dark school, confounding teachers, and causing them much frustration. I know that God was at work and I may never know the outcome of my witness until I get to Heaven. When I had the chance to speak publicly in my class, I chose to share about the love of Jesus and how He carries us in our brokenness. Students paid attention and listened. Some had tears. No matter how much I suffered from depression, I was determined that God would receive all the glory.

In Genesis 50:20, Joseph speaks to his brothers of their harm toward him. “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…” In the same way, I am convinced that the enemy of my soul meant evil against me through this depression, and yet God who is in complete control of the circumstances of my life, meant it for good. Therefore, I have peace that God in His sovereignty uses the struggles and trials of a Christian’s life for His ultimate purpose and our ultimate good, though we may not understand the reasons at the time. This is what my mother taught me as I went through this journey of depression. This is how she pointed me to Christ through one of the hardest times of her life, because seeing your daughter go through a heart-wrenching, paralyzing and unexplainable depression is one of the hardest things a mother could possibly go through.

A year after my graduation, God had done much to rebuild and restore me. I had plunged into God’s Word in a way that I never had before. I searched the scriptures for my identity and eternal security… Christ Himself. It was then that I enrolled in a discipleship school in Texas and spent a most amazing year being saturated in God’s Word five hours a day, five days a week. It was an amazing adventure with God. We went to San Luis Potosi, Mexico for a short term missions trip. While there, we visited a potter’s house. The leader took us through the entire process, step by step to see how one piece of pottery is made and formed.

The spinning wheel moved in constant motion as the clay formed in the potter’s gentle hands. The potter was making serving bowls. Once fully formed, he gently placed it on the drying rack to harden. It must be completely dried because any hint of water will expand under the intense heat of the kiln and cause cracks or explosions. Once it was dry, the Potter moved the vessels to the kiln room, a room of bricks and intense heat. I looked into this brick furnace where broken pieces of pottery lay scattered everywhere. Here, the heat can reach such high temperatures that many pieces simply crack and burst in the pressure. Once removed from the kiln, it is strong enough to handle to glaze. The glaze is prepared very carefully using specific recipes, consistent measuring, and careful application. Each bowl is different and unique. So much care and time and thought goes into each piece. The pieces are eventually ready to be put back into the kiln. During this process, the glaze turns to glass, it is completely transformed. When the bowls come out, they are complete. Our tour guide took a beautiful bowl, held it in his hands and told us that just as this piece of clay was molded by the hands of the potter, so we are molded by God, shaped into the vessels He wants us to be. We are put into the fire to test us, to strengthen us. Then we are decorated by His beauty and His righteousness. We are put back into the fire for more strengthening and transformation. God molds us.

Then, the tour guide did something that shocked us all. He opened his hands and the exquisitely fashioned vessel fell to the ground shattering into a hundred pieces. He exclaimed, with tears in his eyes… “then God breaks us”.

I stood stunned in that little Mexican store, heart pounding. This wasn’t just a tour of a potter’s house, this was a life lesson, a parable that touched the core of who I was and what God had already done in me. I will never forget that day. His final point was that God gathers up all the shattered broken pieces and puts us back together again, reshaping us, and lovingly transforming us to be vessels for His glory!

It was also during that year at Bible school that my heart grew to desire overseas missions work, living a life of worship and ministry in the church. I was even ready to go into a jungle to share the gospel with unreached people groups or to Russia to share in a friend’s ministry. I was ready to go wherever and whenever God called me. God gave me a desire to be like Anna, the prophetess in Luke 2:36-38, who lived and ministered in the temple day and night.

And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher… She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day. And coming up at that very hour she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem. Luke 2:36-38

It was also during this time at Bible school that the hymn, Be Thou My Vision, became my life song. This hymn was word for word, my heart’s desire.

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
naught be all else to me, save that thou art –
thou my best thought, by day or by night,
waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, and thou my true word;
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord;
thou my great Father, I thy true son;
thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my battle shield, sword for my fight;
be thou my dignity, thou my delight,
thou my soul’s shelter, thou my high tow’r;
raise thou me heav’n-ward, O Pow’r of my pow’r.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
thou mine inheritance, now and always:
thou and thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
may I reach heaven’s joys, O bright heav’n’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

~Translated from the Old Irish hymn by Mary E. Byrne

For those who have never experienced the darkness of depression, it is hard to empathize and understand what the sufferer is going through. For those who do recover, partially and even fully, it is still a battle. When my grandmother was in her elderly years, she said to me one day, “There are many battles in this life.” Her statement was profound. Her faith was strong and steadfast in her Redeemer. On the day she died, she was surrounded by her living children as they sang hymns to usher her into the arms of God.

It was in the valley where I learned to give the sacrifice of praise. I learned to worship Him in the midst of suffering. My desire was to become wholly His and His alone. It was through those difficult seasons that the Lord drew me to Himself, and restored me. With His hands to carry me and His love to heal me, my response to this was to sing in worship of Him all the days of my life.

At times God puts us through the discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put into the shadow of God’s hand until we learn to hear Him…Watch where God puts you into darkness, and when you are there keep your mouth shut. Are you in the dark just now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? Then remain quiet…When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light.”
~Oswald Chambers

For the Children's Sake ~ Our Philosophy of Educating with Grace

There seems to be a Schaeffer theme threading its way through our story. In 2007, my husband and I spent six weeks at the Swiss L’Abri where we lived, worked and studied with a small group of students from around the world. Our days were divided into work and study. Study took place at the Farel House which was a chalet that served as a library containing many books and lectures on tape. Yes, in fact the first time I heard Tim Keller preaching on marriage was spent listening to a tape of a lecture he had given in the 80’s on marriage. The work portion of our day included gardening, cutting down thorn bushes, making meals in one of the staff chalet’s, vacuuming and ironing clothes in the home of the Schaeffer’s granddaughter, chopping vegetables in Edith’s kitchen, and other ordinary tasks that needed to get done in the L’abri community. Edith, herself, was living nearby up the mountainside from L’Abri, and being cared for by family in her old age and frail health. And finally, the work portion always included a short pause for high tea and biscuits. I had heard of Francis and Edith Schaeffer but had never read any of their books. Lounging in their former living room and perusing books in their sunroom was my first introduction to the Schaeffer family.

~The home of Francis and Edith Schaeffer at L’Abri in Huemoz, Switzerland~

We did not have children at that time, so the topic of education was not something that we thought a lot about when we were starting out together, discovering Scottish islands, German castles, and the romantic streets of France. I was busy learning how to knit my first baby blanket, but I wasn’t quite ready to jump ahead and figure out what kind of education we’d be able to give them.

As our family grew, our personal education philosophies were birthed and began to take shape. We read a slew of books and articles, talked to friends and searched our hearts for how we wanted to shape our own family culture. Our convictions went through many stages of discovery, development, and transformation. Eventually, I came across a book called For The Children’s Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and School, written by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, daughter of Francis and Edith Schaeffer. Our philosophy of education has been fine-tuned through these early years. As I have read Macaulay’s book, I have embraced it as my own philosophy of education and the model to which I wish to aspire to as we educate our children. For the Children’s Sake is largely based upon the ideas of renowned educator, Charlotte Mason and her philosophy of educating children as born persons using living ideas. Her book does not promote just one place of education, but goes deeper to the foundational aspects that begin within the family, and will underly any good, wholesome, holistic path of education with a Christian worldview.

“When a baby is picked up, spoken to, and loved, he is starting his education as God planned it. For all our lives we are human beings, in an active state of learning, responding, understanding. Education extends to all of life… The truly educated person has only had many doors of interest opened. He knows that life will not be long enough to follow everything through fully.”

-Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, For the Children’s Sake

For the Children’s Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and School is a book for all Christian parents and teachers whether your children attend a public school, a charter school, a Fine Arts school, a Christian private school, or are homeschooled and the many varieties of wonderful co-ops that exist. This is the wisdom I see in Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. She humbly acknowledges that God doesn’t have the same plan for each family, but that God is so much bigger than our little boxes and labels that we try to fit Him and everyone else into. She sees beyond the methods, and environments available to different families, communities and parts of the world, and gets to the heart of the foundation of education; an education that can be implemented by parents in whatever environment you are in. I know many parents in different educational contexts who naturally implement these ideas already.

Based largely on Charlotte Mason’s ideas, this masterpiece gives both parents and teachers a vision for what education can be, a joy filled journey of learning, discovery, and preparation for life. The Christian truths and practical ideas can be applied in every educational context, and wherever your child’s learning takes place.

The foundations of this living education focus on the child as a born person with a unique personality and a responsibility to serve the child for who he or she is. Respecting and honoring this young human as made in the image of God and allowing the child to play and explore the world around him or her. Teaching habits of virtue, showing children living ideas of the world outside of themselves and that they have a place in time and space in this universe. Giving children the opportunity to learn excellence in music and art, exploring nature and being outdoors. Giving children the opportunity to participate in household chores, and balancing that with creative play and free time, from which the fruit of creativity will ultimately produce their own great works.

“We have to look long and hard at the individual child, our home, school, and outside influences. Just because a home or school is ‘Christian’ does not mean that the child is being properly helped, grounded, educated as a whole person. We accept that nothing is perfect, but we try to get our priorities right. We are ready to take time and trouble to see that our children aren’t swept off in a roaring tide. But we want more than that. We pray for a person who is like the individual mentioned in Psalm 1. He has grown like an ad tree by a stream. Storms may roar, a branch or two may snap, but the oak stands firmly grounded – so much so that small creatures seek shelter therein. There is no one method to achieve such a mature person. There is no perfect or complete situation. We must pray for the individual, pray for wisdom, open our eyes, choose priorities.”

-Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, For the Children’s Sake

Recently, I have chosen the term “grace-schooling” as our educational philosophy. It leans in full dependence on Christ and His grace to lead, shepherd and sustain us in the choosing of educational methods appropriate for each individual child, each season of our family life, and based on the needs of our children and us as parents. This type of philosophy is not a stagnant, one size fits all, forever and ever, type of philosophy. It sees the family as a team unit. When something is not working for one member of the family, the whole family needs to make adjustments to help that individual so that the whole family can move forward and thrive together as a family unit.

If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 1 Corinthians 12:26

Grace schooling is fluid, capable of continuously moving forward and transforming if and as the need arises. This is grace, not law. It is freedom to assess your family culture, family size, family limitations and preferences. It is freedom to see a need arise in your family whether it is health, financial, or behavioral and to have the space and willingness to make a change that will move the family forward together, as a team, in the most beneficial way possible. Because of this, For the Children’s Sake is a vision of consistency in the underlying principles of what we want our children’s education to look like even though we may have to change the method from time to time.

Some families may never need to make a change. For some, it may mean choosing to homeschool one or more children. For some, it may mean, putting the children into a good public school and getting involved as a parent there. For some, your unique situation might mean finding a Christian private school or a Fine Arts school where drama and music are a main focus, and for some it may mean finding a special needs school that will more strongly support your special needs child. For others, like us, it may mean a mix, according to the various unique needs that are present in your family at the time. No one can make this decision for you, and no one has the right to judge your decision. As a Christian, you have the Lord to watch over your coming and going, who sees your needs, cares more deeply for your family than anyone else could, and who has promised to be your Provider, your Comforter, and your Covenant-keeping Father.

As a new school year begins, may you find that His grace is sufficient for you in the path He has led you to and may you hold it lightly with open hands for He may yet change it and lead you in a different direction, and yet the foundation will remain the same. You’ve been given a task to raise children to follow God, and it is for their sakes that you lay an unchanging foundation that will be the constancy in the midst of unknowns and variables in the future. Pray, research, study, and then lay your decisions at the Lord’s feet asking Him to open and close doors as He sees fit, for His glory, purpose, and for the children’s sake.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28-30 The Message

A Letter to my Children on Friendship

But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I still have a special place in my heart for my childhood friends of long ago. Hours spent playing in my best friends’ treehouse, playing Barbie dolls, going to the corner store to buy 5 cent candies, having a myriad of sleepovers, and playing at the playground with school friends.

There are many things my parents taught me about friendship that I want to pass on to my children. Though they are still very young, I want to teach these things to them early so that, by God’s merciful grace, these character traits will become a part of who they are. The advice of my parents is the advice I want to give to my children as they begin a new school year today.

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The Lord is Your Shepherd and Best Friend

Dear children,
The Lord Jesus is the one who will lead and guide you. You will not lack anything. Place your trust and faith in Him and ask Him for what you need. He will supply everything you need. You will never be alone and He will walk those hallways with you. He goes before you to prepare the path for you. He is already providing for you before you even ask Him for help.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23:1

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
Matthew 6:8

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43:2

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Be a Friend.

Dear children,
As you go to school and see all your old friends, enjoy those friendships and thank Jesus for them! As well, remember that there are new kids at the school who may be nervous about their first day there and really need someone to reach out to them and be their friend too. There may be kids who are feeling left out or forgotten about. So take Nana’s advice to me when I was a child and go find those who need a friend and be their friend too. Keep your eyes on Jesus and your hands reaching out to serve others.

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Proverbs 27:9

Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor. Proverbs 21:21

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:3-4

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Its always our turn to love others.

Dear children,
There may be days at school when friends might say insensitive or unkind things. There may be days when you do the same. There may be days when you feel alone. Just like Papa Loewen told me as I was growing up, its always our turn to forgive. Its always our turn to love and serve others. So trust in Jesus that when you love and serve others, you are really doing this for Jesus. And if you say something unkind, talk to your friend and apologize. Saying, “I’m sorry” are two of the best words to nurture your friendships.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,” Matthew 25:35

Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;” Luke 6:37

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
Colossians 3:23-24

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“We’ll be friends forever, won’t we Pooh?” asked Piglet.
“Even longer,” Pooh answered.
-A.A. Milne

Friendship is like a garden. You must be willing to go out into that garden and care for it, removing the weeds, trimming the plants, planting new seeds, and working hard to make it beautiful. One of my favorite portraits of friendship is that of A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh stories. I wish for my children to have honest and kind friendships like the animals of those stories. But even more so, I want my children to look to Jesus as the greatest example of friendship and selfless love. It is in Jesus that we find our greatest joy, affirmation, approval, acceptance and eternal friendship.

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
John 15:15

Correspondence

{A Basket of Letters from many people, but mostly from my mother.}

When I was a little girl, about the age of 8 or 9 years old, I began reading through a series called The Mandie Books. I have fond memories of pouring over page after page of these exciting stories of Mandie and her friends. Now, thirty years later, I am reading them to my daughter and she, too, is enthralled with them! As a young girl, I was amazed to find that the author, Lois Gladys Leppard, based many of the incidents in the stories on real life accounts of her mother’s life growing up in North Carolina in the 1900s. My favorite genre of books are undoubtedly Christian and missionary biographies, so its no surprise that even at a young age I was drawn to read about stories based on true accounts.

I remember there was a small Christian bookstore down the hill from our home and I would ask my mother often, if she could take me to the store to check if the next book in the series had been published. I walked the aisle, my heart pounding, the bookstore smell so sweet as it was, and the excitement of seeing the newest book on display. I would hold it in my hands, absorbing every detail of the cover illustration, the chapter titles and return to the counter to pay for my book. The store owners wrapped it in a small brown paper bag and stuffed a cardboard bookmark inside. I could not wait to get back home and read it. And then I’d have to wait months until the next one was published. I even remember one day that I was sick and home from school. My mom had bought the two newest books for me and I am sure I read them both that day! Oh the joy of reading!

I remember the day I told my mom I wanted to write a letter to the author. She checked over the letter, helped me address the envelope and then off it went. Although I never heard back from the author, it was exciting to write to her. I’m sure she received a lot of fan mail especially from the east coast of the United States where the books were probably more popular. But there, in the southwest corner of British Columbia, Canada, her books were making an impact on at least one little girl.

Fast forward thirty years later.

This past year, I’ve had an unexpected journey with books and authors. I have written  about the book, God in the Sink, by Margie Haack. After reading on her blog that I could purchase a signed copy of her book by emailing her, I did just that. She wrote back to me an encouraging and heartfelt letter. She wrote about her joy in receiving my letter, the common ground we have in our husbands having both attended this seminary, her own memories of growing up on the border of Canada, and words of blessing to continue to follow God’s plan for my husband and I, and our future. For an author to take the time and write back was a real privilege and an honor.

{email letter and a postcard that came with the book, photo of Margie’s childhood home}

In a previous blog post, I mentioned that I had recently learned more about the life of missionary, Lilias Trotter, from biographer, Miriam Rockness. After commenting on one of the articles, I had the privilege of hearing back from her, not once but twice. She even took the time to share her words of encouragement about my own writing and blog, noting even about our common love of specific books, authors, and musicians. She even gave delightful descriptions of their hallway of books! It is those little personal touches that mean so much.

She wrote: “I wish you God’s continued joy and blessing as you write (and sing) out your life and faith.” – Miriam Rockness

Whatever is your field of ministry in the Kingdom of God, it is of incredible importance to search out older women who can pray for and encourage you in your work and calling. Sometimes the encouragement is from peers who are doing a similar work as you. Building a network of like-minded friends can go a long way to building one another up and creating a safe place to spur one another on.

“If you want to write good books, good songs, good poems, you need some talent, yes. But you also need good friends. You need fellowship. You need community.”
–Andrew Peterson, The Rabbit Room

For the past several years, ever since I heard a cassette tape recording of Tim Keller speaking on the topic of marriage whilst staying at Swiss L’Abri in 2007, I’ve been following the ministry of Tim and Kathy Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church.  Every once in a while, I read a book, an article, listen to a podcast or like last month, get to see them in person at The Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference!

This afternoon, as I was resting from a busy day, I picked up my iPhone and thought of Kathy Keller. I randomly found an interview with her on Christianity Todayrecounting her correspondence with author, C.S. Lewis! I was engrossed in this interview as I had not known that she and him had written letters to each other for two years before his death. Here was a woman whom I greatly admire who had corresponded with an author/theologian whom I greatly adore. It was another example of writers writing to writers and the impact it can have on a single life.

“He did send me letters. I gave copies to the center at Wheaton College. At one point, I saw a book called “C.S. Lewis’s Letters to Children” and sure enough, mine were there. What was humiliating was seeing some of the letters other people had sent. They were so thoughtful and interesting and deep. I just wrote him of the small doings of my world, “I’m keeping house; my mother is sick.” He was so gracious.” – Kathy Keller, Christianity Today

Years ago, Sandra McCracken shared an essay about her experience writing a letter to Wendell Berry and the visit to his farm in Kentucky that followed. The entire experience being a dream come true for her.

“The exercise of writing my letter to Wendell Berry was, after my procrastination, a very gratifying experience. Just knowing that my official “thank you” was sealed, stamped, and on its way to Port William — I mean, Port Royal — gave me a feeling of deep satisfaction and joy. This would have been enough, but then a few months later, he wrote me a reply. I read his words of appreciation on a simple note, typed on simple stationery. I was thrilled.” – Sandra McCracken, Arthouse America

As I sit and think back to the correspondence I’ve been encouraged by this past year from several different authors, including having one of my articles being featured at Story Warren,  the new friendship I’ve made with a missionary mom in Taiwan, and the correspondence with a good friend from the Northwest who has now left to become a missionary on the other side of the world, I’m reminded of the simple joys of life, friendship, and correspondence. I’m reminded of how important correspondence is. Like Sandra, I was thrilled! It was the fulfillment of that wonderful quote by Sandra written many years ago to which I often come back to at the dawn of a New Year:

“I want to make house calls. I want to waste time on things that matter. On things that leave a mark in this world and the next. I want to carve out time to stop and boil the water. To bring out the china and the silver. To ask good questions of myself and my neighbors. And to listen patiently for the subtle answers…” – Sandra McCracken, Arthouse America

Each of those letters written to me this year has left a mark and has unexpectedly impacted my heart. They were a gift from my Lord. My blog has been silent for a few weeks. Summer has been full, full of many good things. I’m allowing myself this quietness here, mostly because I have no energy at the moment for piecing together words and sentences. So I find my creative energies are put to use searching out little woodland creatures behind our home, taking pictures of them, creating vignettes in my head about their comings and goings. As I pick up the pace just slightly again with my writing and working on my craft, I am reminded of the words of these authors who have been pivotal this year in the Lord’s work of shaping my craft. And I am thrilled!

Lilias Trotter ~ An Invitation to Many Beautiful Things

When I first met missionary and artist, Lilias Trotter, it was in the pages of a book given to me by a dear friend who is now, herself, a missionary to Ireland. This book, Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God, is written by Noel Piper and is a collection of short stories about the lives of five women and how God used them in their unique circumstances, giftings, and callings. With a love for Christian biographies, I dove into this book ten years ago to learn the life stories of these five women. One of them was Lilias.

It was a delight to read the story of this seemingly forgotten woman. I hadn’t realized at the time that Noel Piper’s book was just the beginning of Lilias’ reintroduction to the world. There was little written about her from various sources, but there was a small group of women who in this day and age had been continuing to keep her story alive. They affectionately have named themselves the Trotter Trust. I had not heard much else about Lilias in the years between first reading Noel Piper’s book and now. And then it came, an invitation.

An announcement came to our seminary inviting students and families to attend a special viewing of a documentary film about the life of Lilias Trotter called Many Beautiful Things. Although I was not able to attend, I was curious about this film and I already knew I wanted to watch it at some point and learn more about this daughter of God, her art, writing and mission work.

As I began reading two of her books, I was incredibly moved by the way she compared the process of new birth in Christ and sanctification to the processes of plant life. So detailed in her descriptions and so delicate with her words, she draws the reader into the intricate world of plant life to paint illustrations of spiritual truths. I was intrigued. What else was there to know about her and how beautiful it would be to discover it.

It is when the death of winter has done its work that the sun can draw out in each plant its own individuality, and make its existence full and fragrant.  Spiritual growth means something more than the sweeping away of the old leaves of sin – it means the life of the Lord Jesus developed in us.
–Parables of the Cross

The documentary film, Many Beautiful Things, is a glimpse inside the research process of Miriam Rockness and her journey over many years in discovering more about Lilias’ life, her writing, art, and ministry in both England and Algeria in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s. As I learned more about her, I was struck with a sense of beauty that seemed to effortlessly flow through her thoughts and images. Her mother had introduced her to England’s most famous art critic of the Victorian age, John Ruskin ,who helped to hone her skills and technique. At the same time, she was attempting counter-cultural and even dangerous work serving and feeding homeless street women. Eventually, Lilias was faced with an enormous decision as her mentor encouraged her to focus solely on her art. Would she pursue the greatness that Ruskin believed she could accomplish and give up her work with the poor, or continue her ministry to the homeless?

Take the very hardest thing in your life – the place of difficulty, outward or inward, and expect God to triumph gloriously in that very spot.
Just there He can bring your soul into blossom.
-Parables of the Cross

This was a monumental crossroads that she had come to. Desperate to know God’s will for her, she sought the Lord in prayer and submitted herself to His purpose for her, no matter the cost. Could she entrust her art to God? Could she give up one of the greatest gifts she had been given? What was she being called to?

Surrender – stillness – a ready welcoming of all stripping, all loss, all that brings us low, low into the Lord’s path of humility  – a cherishing of every whisper of the Spirit’s voice, every touch of the prompting that comes to quicken the hidden life within: that is the way God’s human seed-vessels ripen and Christ becomes “magnified” even through the things that seem against us.
– Parables of the Christ Life

As Lilias discovered, God was changing the course of her life and setting it in an all new direction. It would still include art, but art would no longer be the goal; it would be a tool for ministry to a different people group, in a far away land.

“Before us all dawned, I think a new horizon – of the glory of the task to which God has called us – a glory in its every hardness & in the sense that we are working for the future & its coming day.  ‘We were dreamers dreaming greatly.’”
23 October 1911 – Lilias Trotter

As my daughter celebrated her birthday recently, I was overjoyed to give her the gift of a children’s story about this woman called, Lily the Girl Who Could See. There are many similarities I see in my daughter and Lilias, and its a joy to see her discover her own gifts, given by the great Giver and to offer her a true story that points her to Him. The story itself, written by Sally Oxley and Tim Ludwig with Miriam Huffman Rockness is like a biography for children and the artwork in watercolors on every page are reminiscent of Lilias’ paintings further creating a holistic portrayal of this artist, writer, and missionary.

I often come across the stories of Christians in bygone eras and am drawn into their stories, the sights and sounds they experienced, the emotions they felt, the honest reflections of life detailed explicitly in journals, poems, essays and like Lilias, in her art. I am only beginning the journey of discovering her work, absorbing the images she painted, and opening my heart to what God desires to show me through what He has shown her. And He has shown her…

“many, many beautiful things”
-Lilias Trotter, her last words.

*This reflection is my small part in continuing to tell the world the story of Lilias Trotter. For more information, please visit the website of biographer Miriam Rockness: Reflections on the Art and Writings of Lilias Trotter. To purchase the film, Many Beautiful Things, click here. To purchase the children’s book, click here. A full list of books, booklets and art by Lilias Trotter can be found here.

A Blossom in the Desert: Reflections of Faith in the Art and Writings of Lilias Trotter

Blessed Assurance ~ Wait For You {Part 2}

This is part 2 in a series titled, Wait For You, based off of my album of the same name released in 2005. This collection of original songs was written over a period of 10 years and were glimpses of my story up until that time. To read Part 1, click here.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

Psalm 130:5-6

I was born to first generation Canadians whose parents had immigrated from war-torn Europe. My grandparents were faithful Christians who had to face huge obstacles as young children with their parents fleeing their homeland. Although one of my grandparents was born in Canada, the other three had become refugees in a new land, far from their own relatives, churches, friends and culture. In this struggle, God blessed them. He provided through their struggles to settle in the new land, make a new life and a new way of living. They farmed, they attended school, and God continued to provide for them. My grandparents grew up, met, married and had children. My parents grew up, met, married, and had children. It was there on the flat plains of a coastal valley that I was born.

I was blessed with an amazing family, a wonderful childhood that I would relive any day, and God gave me a strong faith in Him at an early age. At the age of seven, I believed in Christ as my Savior and by His grace, He gave me a desire and yearning to live for Him alone. I went on from there to share the gospel with school friends, and the more I knew Christ, the more I wanted others to know Him too.

My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace;. Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God.
-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest

We took our first missions trip to Mexico as a family with our church in my early teenage years. This and other experiences like it, drew me deeper into love of Christ, love for His Church and love for cross-cultural mission work.  I was thankful for these years lived on the mountaintop of peace and growth. These years were necessary as a firm foundation for the testing and trials that God would later bring into my life to refine me, to break me, and to set me on a course of complete dependence on Christ.

This is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.
-Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place

This foundation was the groundwork God did to prepare the soil of my heart for the roots to grow deep, to be fully anchored to Christ so that my soul would yearn only for the life-giving presence of Himself, my God. It was also the foundation that God would use to bring sanctification, a breaking away from sin, self, and pride. God would teach me what it was to die daily so that He might live His life through me.

“Separation from all known sin is the starting point for sanctification, not the goal… Holiness means something more than the sweeping away of the old leaves of sin: it means the life of Jesus developed in us.” -Lilias Trotter, Parables of the Cross.

I needed those years of growing in grace and knowledge of my Savior, for the life of Jesus to be developed in me. I needed those years that I fell asleep each night, picturing the arms of Jesus hugging me, fully confident that I was saved without a doubt in my mind.

How hopeless the naked wood of a fruit tree would look to us in February if we had never seen the marvel of springtime!
-Lilias Trotter, Parables of the Cross.

I am constantly thankful for that chapter of my life, that springtime of childhood, the gift of faith given by God, and the strengthening of the Holy Spirit as a child. The Lord Jesus was my reality, His shepherding was my constant awareness, and His love for me was my blessed assurance. It was a gift and preparation for the next season of life when my Savior would lead me down from the mountain into the valley and out into a dry and thirsty land.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine
Oh what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of salvation, purchase of God
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood

Look for Part 3 of this series coming soon…

The songs Steadfast Constant and King of Glory are the first two songs on my album and describe this first chapter of my life in its recognition of God’s steadfast love for me and my worship of Him. To listen to the songs or purchase the album, please visit my bandcamp page jenniferharris.bandcamp.com.